Logo made by ~Rebekuh
commissions! > [link]
Hey everybody! Guess what I'm doing aagain? BITCHING ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT PLAY YUGIOH!
Now now, don't go clicking the back button just yet. I'm gonna bitch in a fresh way thime. Instead of saying what I've been getting balls bustingly pissed about, I'm instead gonna tel you how to play the game like a complete asshole. That way, you can lie awake at night knowing you're guilty of some of the most disgraceful things you can do in a once respectable cardgame! Fun right!?
1. Play a Mill, Burn, or macro banish deck: If you wanna be a reeeeal cock smear, play one of these decks. Mill decks are great if you don't wanna play strong, powerful charismatic and iconic monsters and do battle between titanic creatures, and instead wanna abuse the effects of dick cards like Morphing jar and needle worm. Make so your opponent has basically no deck left by the time turn one is over and so no-one's played any fun cards or done any cool strategies. just win by a poxie technicallity! Or how about playing only cards that reduce life points by massive amounts over and over and over, once again, forget about summoning powerful creatures, what's the point of that when you can just throw down a few magic cards and call it a game! Sounds fun and engaing right? RIGHT!? Or maybe even go with the macro banish deck, again, making it so your opponent can basically do nothing while you sit like a jack hat and wait for any of the dozens of monsters now that gain power from all the banished cards that you've been rapidly putting in the grave with the same mill strategies as above! FUN! Don't you feel so empowered when you curb stomp someone before they even have a chance to fight back? Isn't it enobling to know you only win by technicalities and cheap tactics?
2. Play an exodia draw/stall deck: Remember when Exodia was almost impossible to draw all the pieces of, so using him was a rare and valuable experience? NOT ANYMORE! Now there's absolutely TONS of cards that let you draw from your deck until you have all the pieces you need in just a few turns or less! Now you too can completely cheapen what was once a rare sight to behold into a technicality win that requires next to no time and effort to accomplish! Just like it was intended to be!
3. Warning of the judgent traphole of solem: Always stack your deck with as many copies of the various trap hole cards, especially bottomless traphole. And have as many solemn warning and solemn judgements as you can in your deck to, And torrential tribute. And always set these on the very first turn so when your opponent makes their first move of the game, you can cripple them by busting their oppening move wide open, leaving them at gaping disadvantage before they've even really had any chance to even begin making a counter attack. And keep doing this for several turns after. Don't let your opponent play any cards. because that's how a game is supposed to be played right? When one of you can;t do anything about what's happening to them? TELL ME I'M WRONG 6 U 9
4. Play a Darkworld deck: If you once again don't want your opponent to be able to play virtually any card at all, you also just play a darkworld deck. That way, you can play all the cards that have discard costs and make your opponent lose virtually their whole hand at the begining of the game! But wait! You get to exploit the effects of the monsters you discarded, many of them just coming back to the field right away! Basically making discard costs moot for you! While your opponent again, HAS NOTHING THEY CAN POSSIBLY DO! How much fun is THAT!? You can even combine this with the tips of number 3 to make your deck even MORE crippling to your poor sap of an opponent. HA! Trying to play a DECENT game
5. Play Dragon rulers: If Burn/mill/banish or darkworld not your thing? Try using Dragon rulers which once again, have unbalanced costs for summoning while also gaining more hand advantage and swarming the field with powerful monsters and abusing big eye, once again, leaving your opponents field wide open before they've had more than a turn.
6. Evilswarm Ophion and Thunderking raio: Wanna slow down virtually any deck your opponent might be using? Just use either of these monsters! They prevent your opponent from using ALL of the powerful summons in their deck, rending many strategies useless. Ophion can even imidiately search a evilswarm card that'll protect it from magic and trap cards too! and Raioh can stop you searching your deck for cards and special summoning any monsters! So slow down or downright shut down your foes fun monsters with these douchebag cards!
7. When in doubt, QUIT!: If even the SLIGHTEST thing goes wrong with using any of the above tips, quit immediately, regardless of how many life points ahead of your opponent you are. If even one thing goes wrong, you have to quit in order to save your pitiful face from the embaressment of having had something go wrong because your opponent actually showed some skill in overcoming your tactics and showing STRATEGY! Who wants that in this game!? NOT YOU! So make sure to quit and be a huge waste of everyone's time.
You should also do this right away at the beginning of the match if you don't get all the cards you needs for your cheap deck on turn one, again, being a waste of everyone involved's time.
8. When doubted on, just laugh! If anyone tries to explain to how broken and unfair your douche bag dueling strategy is, just laugh at them and say such wit filled phrases like "Lol" or "Trolololol" or "U mad" truly you shall be the poet loriet of your generation if you duel with those words in the wings should anyone dare try to apply logic against your unfair duelling techniques.
As any of you that actually have half a working braincell in your skulls will be able to tell, this journal is dripping with sarcasm. Don't do any of the above if you want to consider yourself a respectable and honest player of this once fun and challenging game.
Doing any of the above basically removes any gameplay dynamic it had before. Because now, it doesn't matter what deck you have, or what deck you play, if it's not doing any of the above, it will always be shut down before you can actually make a good move.
There's no skill or challenge anymore because why should there be? Every deck has the same sets of cards that do the same things. So it doesn't matter if you play a bujin deck and fight a mermail deck, there's always gonna be a stupid solemn warning/judgment, or a bottomless trap hole, that destroys any monster you were thinking of summoning, or ruining all the effort you'd gone through to summon an ace card you've been wanting to try out for ages. Or when you start of with a good hand, the opponent will quit because they didn't get whatever precise hand they wanted right away, or make you discard it all because they play darkworld or keep finding ways to make their effect monsters mill your whole deck.
It just doesn't matter anymore because no player seems to think it does. How do these people have legitimate fun when all they do is abuse technicality and cheap effects? I mean, do you really feel good about yourself when you've used your 1 mill deck or exodia deck for the 500th time in a row on some poor saps who wanted to play a decent game? Honestly? Cuz if you somehow do, then my god man, you must literally have no life to think that's how to play a fun game.
It's gotten to a point where 99% of game players really are becoming the overpowered world of warcraft guy in that south park episode!
Plzs made for/by me